This is something I never thought I would have to write down. In politics, there is tons of spin and lies that have to be countered. In life, there are some realities. In a world of greys, there is some black-and-white.
I realize that I haven’t changed diapers, been pissed on, or been kept up all night by crying. This is often the argument that parents give to disqualify you from any discussion about anything regarding children: parenting elitism.
However, I guaran-fucking-tee that I have thought about how to raise children more than 99% of the fucktards that just became parents by accident. Being a parent doesn’t qualify you to be a parent or make you an expert on it, it just means you are one. Yeah, chew on that sentence for awhile.
That being said, I’m only going to say this once:
Lesson #1: Just because you don’t keep score, doesn’t mean your kid is any less of a loser.
Trust me, I remember playing sports at every age level. You could have not kept score, blindfolded us, and kicked us in the balls — we would still know who won and who lost. We also knew who the fucktard kids were on the team.
The only thing that not keeping score and giving everyone a participation trophy does is put a glaring spotlight on your retard loser kids. Trust me, when your kid is alone with their friends, away from their insecure parents, you have cause them more ridicule than you could possibly imagine.
Guess what: The score is always there whether you keep track or not. If your kids’ team lost 56-0 in a basketball game, everyone knows it. Do your kids a favor and teach them a lesson about life. This feel-good, self-esteem building move is simply a reflection of yourself and does nothing to build self esteem.
Lesson #2: You have one job as a parent. Prepare them for life.
You are not their tour guide at Camp Funfunallthetime.
Life keeps score. It keeps score like a bitch. No one gives a fart about your self-esteem, and no one should. You will have quotas, and you will have deadlines. If you miss them, you will be fired. Life isn’t the only thing that keep score.
Their spouse will keep score. Do you want your kid to be single their whole life? Actually, that might be a sound parenting strategy. I’m not gonna knock that. But if they want to survive in marriage — they better know how to play a game and keep score. If you teach your kids that the score doesn’t matter, they will get eaten. If not by their job, then by their spouse.
Hell, school keeps score. Now, this is a topic unto itself — as teachers are no longer being tough and holding undeserving kids back. So, this not keeping score is bleeding into our schools. But, as I blogged about yesterday, unless you want your kid making minimum wage, they have to get some kind of post-high school training — vocational, liberal arts, tech — and someone will keep score.
I seriously shouldn’t even have to make this argument.
Lesson #3: Childhood is not about having fun.
I know that your childhood sucked and you want your kids to have all the games, and fun, and trips, and candy, and [vomit] other stuff that you never had! It’s beautiful. Childhood is prep school, it’s training camp, it’s the deep stretch before the marathon.
If this is the life you let your kid lead, he will fucking resent the shit out of you. Because at some point, the bully that is life will have a brutal awakening for your kid.
(yeah, sort of like that bully in school — but much bigger, with more power, and there is no principal to run to…I guess it’s more like Bogs in Shawshank Redemption)
So, please, for Christ’s sake, pick up a pencil and teach your kid something.